The holiday season is often seen as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, seeing family and being in situations revolving around food can be difficult for many. It can bring up unresolved issues with family and friends as well as the anxiety and stress of having to navigate food related holidays.

Whether you’re actively struggling with an eating disorder or in recovery, food related holidays can be incredibly stressful. First, many people find that their schedules for those days become shifted; meaning that if your schedule has helped you cope suddenly you may not be able to rely on it in the same way. Additionally, many individuals find that they are in the habit of relying on “safe foods,” and holiday food often do not fit into that category. Further, people are asking about your recovery, if they know, or just asking how you are, and this assumes that there is no stress within your family. And on top of all of that, you’re supposed to be happy all the time, because, well, it’s the holiday after all! So, what do you do?!

Five Tips to Manage Mental Health and Eating Disorders During the Holidays:

1. Prioritize Self-Care: Make sure that you have what you need to prioritize self-care. Make a plan with peers or other family members to take breaks, create space for support groups if you are attending them, keep your journal or other coping skills easily accessible. You do not have to give up all the things that sustain you because you may be traveling or your schedule may be changing.

2. Plan Ahead: Prepare for holiday gatherings by setting realistic expectations and having a plan in place. Discuss plans ahead of time with a trusted family member or friend. It’s ok to be spontaneous with food if that’s where you are, it’s also completely ok to plan out meals and snacks if that’s what you need to do; it’s about your recovery and success. Make sure you have foods with which you are comfortable (and maybe something to challenge yourself if you are in the right space). Know where you are going to go if you need to take a break, or call someone for support. How long will you be visiting relatives/friends if you are going somewhere? It’s also ok to have an escape plan; i.e. drive yourself if possible, so you have an option to leave if things become overwhelming.

3. Seek Support: Discuss the holidays now in therapy if you are going. Reach out for support early so that you are prepared. You don’t have to do this one your own!

4. Intuitive Eating: If you are in a space to practice intuitive eating (which not everyone will be; and it’s OK if you are not) Pay attention to hunger cues, allow yourself to enjoy food and ditch the diet mentality. You are allowed to eat when you are not hungry because you enjoy something, you are also allowed to stop and save things for later, or stop all together, if you are no longer hungry. You do not have to gorge on food, you can take leftovers and ask for a recipe to make something later if you enjoyed it.

5. Establish Boundaries: Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and say no when necessary. You are not obligated to attend every event or fulfill every holiday tradition. Prioritize your well-being and do what feels right for you.

The holidays, while a fun time, can be difficult. We hope these tips help make it more manageable!

Alyssa Battipaglia LMFT

Have you ever found yourself saying the words, “I feel so fat!”??

 

Did you know those very difficult emotions stem from weight stigma in our culture? Demonizing fatness can sometimes be a tool that allows us to cope with difficult emotions.

 

Let’s uncover what “feeling fat” might really mean and a more helpful way to approach these incredibly valid emotions without putting down anyone’s shape and size.

 

When you say “I feel so fat,” perhaps you mean…

 

“I feel bloated.”

 

Bloating is a perfectly normal part of being a human being. It’s super important to normalize normal fluctuations in the body changes during the day, so that we can all have a more realistic expectation of what it’s like to live in our bodies. But bloating is temporary and will go away over time– which is not the same as fatness!

 

“I feel sluggish.”

 

Sometimes, we say “I feel fat” when what we’re really feeling is sluggish, lazy, lethargic or we have not moved our bodies much that day. Instead of reaching for those more authentic emotions or sensations, we are quick to conflate fatness with laziness. And FYI, that’s not true! Fat people can be active just as much as skinny people can be lazy. Lets try not to assume someone’s activity level purely based on their outward appearance!

 

“I feel insecure.”

 

There are moments when “feeling fat” tends to become a blanket term for our gloominess or misery. What is really plaguing our minds is possibly the fear of being not enough or being undeserving. This is not about feeling fat at all– it’s about grappling with a lack of self-confidence. So imagine how actual fat folks feel when people use their bodies to describe their misery? Humans in all body shapes, sizes and weights can be good enough, deserving and confident.

 

“I feel unattractive.”

 

We all have days when we’re dissatisfied with our own image. We’re followed by a creeping certainty that we’re ugly, unattractive, undesirable or unlovable. But when we say we’re

“Feeling fat,” the implication is clear– fat people are impossible to love or want. Which, AGAIN, is so so so far from the truth.

 

Fat is not a feeling.

 

While it is true that most of us can grip onto a part of our body that contains body fat and experience a physical sensation, the feeling itself is not “fat.”

 

In my professional experience, I find you are much more likely to get the support you need around your feelings if you share how you really feel rather than saying you feel fat. By diving deeper to uncover what is truly under the term “I feel fat,” you fight against diet culture and weight stigma, while also addressing the underlying emotion which promotes healing.

 

So please remember, fat is not a feeling!

Dr. Joy Zelikovsky

A common phrase that people hear in eating disorder treatment is “recovery isn’t linear.” Often it feels like people take one step forward just to take three steps back, or that they feel like they are progressing in one area, but they are having ambivalence or intrusive thoughts that are conflicting with their desire to recover and therefore they are not in “real recovery,” whatever that means anyway. When this happens people are left questioning if the work they have done towards their recovery is valid, or if they are even in recovery at all?

I was working with a client today and they told me that they had received news that something they had been attempting to resolve medically had not resolved. They had discussed it with their medical team and the medical team felt that a medication needed to be adjusted. They discussed it with their dietitian and the dietitian felt like the answer was more nutrition rehabilitation and the issue would resolve. The client shared that they were frustrated as a part of them hoped that it was a medication issue, and they wouldn’t need to eat any more than they were already doing. And then they shared that they were disappointed in having that thought as it meant they were not really working on recovery as if they were they wouldn’t be disappointed that they would have to potentially eat more.

I’ve heard some variation of this scenario a million times from clients. They are working very hard in recovery, but they don’t want to eat more, or they don’t want to do something that is challenging for them and they or sometimes their family/friends/team, question their commitment to recovery. But the reality is that these thoughts are normal! It’s so incredibly normal to experience ambivalence when working on recovery. It’s normal to have setbacks or the feel like you’ve stepped off the path, or at times to feel that you need to take a break from the path and pause where you are for a moment. None of the negates the work you have done or means that you are no longer in recovery.

There are many reasons why eating disorder recovery work is difficult, here are a few that may provide insight into why folks may have a desire to hold onto the eating disorder; even while they are working hard to recover:

1. Comfort in Familiarity: The eating disorder may be the primary coping mechanism for many and the idea of giving it up may be terrifying. For some, the idea of life without an eating disorder is so foreign that it’s inconceivable and feels totally undoable. Some people will still venture forth, others may choose a harm reduction path that better meets their needs.
2. Fear of Change: Eating disorders are highly linked to anxiety. For many, even the prospect of a positive change can still create so much anxiety that it feels paralyzing. This is where having a supportive team and trying to find other positive supports like family, and friends can help make this transition more bearable.
3. Sense of Identity: Often people can create an identity around their eating disorder. It has taken over their lives to the point that they do not know who they are without it. Therefore, the idea of giving it up also leaves them without an identity which can feel equally as scary. Who am I without this thing that has helped me through so much, even if it is also harming me?
4. For some the risk of failure is so prevalent that they feel like they don’t want to try at all – the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. Therefore, it’s better to stay in the eating disorder even though it’s harming them, rather than risk recovery and relapsing or recovery being worse than their life with their eating disorder.

Why Accepting Ambivalence Is Important

Having conflicting feelings during recovery is not a sign of failure or lack of commitment. It is normal and part of the process. It is important to try to understand where those thoughts are coming from and attempting to find ways to manage to move forward.

Remember, recovery is not a linear path, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Every step towards healing, no matter how small, is a significant achievement. Stay patient, be kind to yourself, and trust that you can overcome the obstacles on the road to recovery. You are not alone in this journey, and there is hope for a healthier and happier future ahead.

Dr. Joy Zelikovsky

Summer is a time for fun, spending time with family and friends and pools, and beaches. But for those struggling with body image concerns it can be very challenging to enjoy all those activities when you are concerned about how you look in summer clothes. The pressure to look a certain way, to look good in a bathing suit, to wear shorts or short sleeves, or to have parts of your body that you are not comfortable with more exposed can leave people in a lot of distress. The burden to look a certain way can make it difficult to enjoy all that summer has to offer. But there are things you can do to help boost your body confidence and enjoy your summer to the fullest! Here are five tips to help with body image during the summer:

1. Focus on what your body can do, not just how it looks. Instead of focusing on how your body looks in clothing, try to practice gratitude for what your body can do; whether it’s swimming, hiking, or playing beach volleyball. Remember that your body is more than just its appearance.
2. Surround yourself with positive influences. This may be a great time to look at your social media and reevaluate who you are following. Are those people uplifting you? Is the content focused on dieting and restriction or hyper-focused on bodies looking a certain way? Try to follow people who are spreading messages that make you feel good about your body. Likewise, who are you spending your time with? Are your family and friends supportive? Are they constantly talking about diets and bodies? It may be a helpful time to set boundaries and or discuss what is helpful to you.
3. Wear what makes you feel comfortable. You are not obligated to wear anything you don’t want to wear or that doesn’t make you comfortable. If you don’t want to wear a bathing suit, don’t wear one! If you prefer to wear shorts over your suit, wear them! If you want to wear shorts, wear them, if you want to wear jeans, wear them! You get to decide what you wear and when.
4. Practice self-care. Taking care of your body and mind can help boost your overall confidence and body image. Get enough sleep, stay hydrated, eat nourishing foods, and engage in activities that reduce stress.
5. Try not to compare yourself to others. You are not the only one who struggles with body image. As hard as it is, try not to compare yourself to other people. They may also be struggling with their body image concerns, or not, who knows, but most people struggle at some point in their life. No matter what, it won’t help you feel better about your body or doing activities that are fun for you.

Summer can be a difficult time, but you must remember that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. That includes wearing clothes you don’t want to wear or engaging in activities you don’t want to. However, challenging yourself to engage in things that you want to do and are exciting for you can be such a powerful experience. Most importantly, take care of yourself, set boundaries that work for you, and enjoy your summer!